| So this is my first post in my new online journal. I got sick of the other one cause I changed the colors all around, and I'm too lazy to change them back. So I figured I'll just start a new journal... here goes nothing.
Right now it's near 1:30am and I probably should be sleeping, but seeing as how I just got done doing 2 hours of accounting hell (oh I'm sorry I meant homework) and writing a polisci paper, I need some time to just chill, and type out what's going on with me since there's quite a few people I haven't talked to recently... sorry for that but I guess I'm just too ding-dang busy! 
10 more days till Thanksgiving break, well actually 9 now that I think about it since it's after midnight. I absolutely cannot wait. I love school and all, but I just need some time to go home and get away from the craziness that is Ann Arbor and the U of M campus and just do my "normal Livonia stuff", i.e. driving my car all over the freeway, watching movies on the big screen in the basement, sleeping in my huge bed, playing piano (with a real piano not a keyboard), and seeing all my Mercy girls. I just feel like I've hit a burn out point right now, not just with school but with everything. Stuff has been bothering me lately and I think a lot of it is just because I'm so stressed out and I need the 5 days next weekend to just sit and put everything into perspective.
I'm worried about Bschool, first of all. Who knows if I'll get in, and I've gotta have a backup plan. Talked to the pre-law advisor, and I don't really know if law school is for me, but I'm going to look into it and keep taking polisci and english classes, along with Accounting 272 (I guess I just haven't had enough Bschool hell yet...) and some other class to get around 15 or 16 credits. And i need to figure this out soon, not just for registering on December 1, but because I need to submit my schedule for hospital volunteering. I'm trying to do everything I can to get into Mott Children's Hospital next semester, and I know I'd love working there and giving something back, especially since they took care of me for the first four months after I was born. Can't wait to see what happens with that - and I love working with kids, I just recently noticed that about myself, so I'm looking forward to it *crosses fingers that I get in*.
Then there's the whole sorority issue. I know sororities might not have the best reputation here on campus, but I'm really feeling right now that's where I'm supposed to be. I feel like I'm just a little too outgoing and involved to be the typical "Martha Cook Cookie" and am sort of thinking about moving off campus next year. So I guess I'm going to rush in the winter and see what happens, whether or not I even get a bid or like the girls in any of the houses. I kinda wish I would've done this in the fall now that I look back on it, but like they say, it's better late than never. Then again if I move off-campus, I might not be able to go to NACURH in St. Louis this year, but I guess I'll cross that roadblock when I come to it.
I didn't get to go to GLACURH last week and I still feel terrible about it. After all I've done for RHA and even the NCC retreat I went to up at Alma College w/ Amy, Sekou and JJ, I feel like I just let everyone down. I mean, here I am campaigning and hoping to win NCC, and not even realistically thinking I'd win, but I did and then to get everything ready for the conference and work on the display and banner and then two days before have to tell everyone I'm not going. I just feel bad b/c I'm supposed to be the one in charge with things like that, and even though my accounting test was an improvement (thank God), I still feel kind of uneasy about the whole situation. And since I really only go to conferences, as NCC right now, I feel like I haven't really done a whole lot for RHA and I'd love to help out more, but I just don't know how. So any Eboard people if you're reading this, help me out a little... thanks. 
I can't wait to get home next weekend and see my Mercy friends. Don't get me wrong, I love it here and I've met a lot of people in the past year or so, but there's just something about going home and spending time with the people that got to know you so well during your high school years when you really begin to grow as a person. I know I did a complete 180 personality-wise from the freshman year till graduation in 2002, and I definitely give Mercy a lot of credit for that, but also my friends were just an awesome support system. Katie (gotta love Furby), Keara, Angela, Sarah, Jen-Jen, Anna, Heather, Kristen, Lisa (yeah Mailbox!), Sarah M., Kristen, Angela T., my golf girls, Mrs. K and everyone else at Mercy - thanks for helping me become the person I am today - I owe you one!
Funny how I just typed that, because what I'm about to write next is going to be totally contradictory. While I have become a more friendly and outgoing person, I'm still trying to figure out where I stand in terms of who I am and what I believe in. True, I could stand in front of the mirror and say that I'm a cute, smart, athletic, fun, outgoing, caring person but sometimes I wonder why I'm not one of those people that's the first to be asked out by a guy or to do something with a group of friends on the weekend. I've always been the girl that parents love and kids love to hate, and I'm still seeing that a lot of people aren't really open to getting to know me in college too. I mean I try to at least get to know people in my classes and student groups I'm involved in, and I'll go out of my way to talk to them and possibly want to hang out but a lot of times I just get brushed off, and I can't figure out why. I don't think I come off as being snobby or bitchy or anything of that sort, so this is like a puzzle to me. Maybe one of these days I'll figure it out.
Okay, now you're all going to laugh. There's a quote from someone in a magazine that I read recently that said, "I wasn't popular in high school freshman or sophomore year, but that all changed by senior year. And it wasn't because of the way I looked, but because of the way I carried myself." And I guess that speaks to me about a lot of things, that I should just try and be myself and not try to put on a front around people like I've seen people do and I absolutely cannot stand it. So I'm hopefully going to become more comfortable with who I am as a person, and maybe this will help me get to know more people and find a really great guy one day.
Well, after typing a bunch of what you could deem as nonsense for about 20 minutes, I should probably get to bed. Anyone who's reading this is probably extremely bored and I *promise* my next post will NOT be this long. Just a lot of stuff on my mind I had to get out. 8-) Hope you somewhat enjoyed reading this journal, and comments are welcome *hint hint*. Night all!
***Oh by the way, if you can guess who said that quote above, I'll give you a prize... and if you won a hint, this particular person won the American Music Award for the Fan's Choice on Sunday. *applauds* Good luck! |
